Farewell My Love

Is this the final hour?  Darling, where did you go?  I sense something bad has happened to you and I can't reach you.  I can't touch you and I can't hug you.  We both knew this day would come but we never wanted to face it because we were too busy living, dreaming and hoping we would go on forever.  But we were running out of time and you knew it before I did with your statement "I'm on borrowed time here."  It was the first time you had ever said that to me in all the years I've loved you.  During happier times you would tell me "Who's going?  I'm not going anywhere," when I would broach the heavy subject of death.  You had also began to talk about the importance of Wills.  "What's all this talk about Wills," I would scold you.  "Remember you're not going anywhere."  Ours was a very special relationship from the beginning.  We developed a great friendship and found that we had much in common despite our different backgrounds.  You said you felt extremely comfortable with me and the same thing happened to me.  I know the exact moment I began to love you, it was when I noticed your special sensitiviy to animals so similar to my own.  It was when I realized you were the brightest, kindest man I ever met and also the classiest.  It was a forbidden relationship from the beginning but we drifted into it helplessly, sharing many wonderful, beautiful memories.  You made me happy and I made you happy, so we stole years of happiness, being extremely careful not to hurt anyone.  I spent last Wednesday crying and I didn't know why, I wasn't even thinking about you.  You'were having a procedure but I knew you'd be alright, you were always alright, worrying about everyone around you except yourself - a very strong, courageous person who never lost his vibrancy, even when the passing years left their mark physically and psychologically.  And now I sense this is truly the end of the road for us because after having been practically inseparable from the moment we met, you have disappeared without a word; and only the implacable hand of death could do that to us.  The most painful thing is that it came about so suddenly, so brutally, without time to tell you farewell my love, without time to tell you what you meant to me, but you always knew it and in your own words told me many times when I regretted not telling someone I lost that I loved them, "some things don't have to be said."  I am, however, thankful for small mercies.  You went while still active and brilliant, interested in world affairs and politics.  You went while you still loved life with a passion and filled your days with activities.  You went while you could still celebrate Thanksgiving in style, full of good cheer, food, friends, family and laughter.  You were supposed to have "little or no alcohol" but you always cheated.  You hated limitations and still wanted to experience that familiar buzz.  You were planning another glorious Christmas celebration and I'm really heartbroken you left us so close to your favorite holiday.  If you could have chosen your exit, you'd have never chosen this precious holiday - not only for yourself but for your family - you'd have been devastated to ruin it for your loved ones.  The passing years may have slowed you down but never marred your lust for life.  I'm going to be strong for you now my darling, because I know that's what you would want me to do.  But don't ask me not to mourn you, don't ask me to move on.  I can not mourn you publicly because the world will never understand, but I will mourn you secretly till the end of my life, the way I loved you for so many years.  You were the love of my life and I was yours.  We met late in life but at least we got to experience that elusive, much yearned for and sometimes never found "many splendoured thing."